I woke up Monday morning ready to face this challenge. I can't wipe my fucking ass without getting out of breath. I am miserable, tired, sad, defeated. No more. It needs to start. I hit rock bottom. I am now on day 5. I've only lost .6 so far, but who cares, I am in a better place already.
I have only pressed play on BOD once but I am moving more. I went for a walk with Terry at lunch, yesterday I went home and cleaned the pool and sat in the sun, I am trying. I see improvements. My thoughts have shifted.
We went to National Night Out and I ate 2 zeppole instead of 6. I had a medium ice cream that was way to big. I gave some to Aleena and then spend the time I should have been sleeping sick with an upset stomach. Obviously things need to change and fast.
The exercise part is always hard for me, I believe that will come in time as well. I have a couple of challenges next week, but I can handle it. I need to change my relationship with food and it can only start with my realization and acceptance that food is impossible to get.
I walk into the bakery and I can't make a decision so I over buy and then I over eat. I want to walk into the bakery and buy 2 cookies or one pastry and enjoy it. The next time I go, I can do the same thing. Grocery stores and bakeries are not going to run out of food.
I need to remember that in situations like once a year or holidays those are the time times that food is not always available to enjoy and if I over indulgent in fear of never having it again, I am not really enjoying it at all.
I haven't had pasta all week. I am okay. It's forcing me to live outside the box and be more thoughtful. If I could get myself to like chicken I would have so many more options. For me, portion control is the key to success so that is what I am currently concentrating on and trying to keep my treats and cheats to 1x per week. There are a few upcoming occasions where that might be tested but again, it's only 1 or 2x a week not 7. I usually go off the rails 1 day or 1 meal and then stay there for 6 months. Not this time. I have a goal and I have a motive. Both are only about me!
